We’ve been talking about this a lot in RUF - Moriah meaning “God provides”.
It’s been a hard year. Not just “I’m a senior and I’m graduating and I have to figure what’s next” hard (and that’s REALLY hard), but “I’m a senior and I’m graduating and I have to figure out what’s next and I’m experiencing more depression than I have in my life previously and some of the people that have been closest to me for the past few or a lot of years are physically or emotionally distant, or both, and how do you do this ‘romantic relationship’ thing and I JUST DON’T WANT TO DO WORK ANYMORE” hard.
But God provides. and even though i haven’t trusted that He would because i’ve been so afraid, He has anyway.
Today I was so weary of many elements of life. My day didn’t really end up the way I thought it would, or had planned, and I haven’t been sleeping well, and I have been craving rest.
i had the comfort of home friends tonight. I had the luxury of hours alone. i talked to one of the aforementioned physically/emotionally distant friends who I hadn’t spoken with in eight months and i believed didn’t want to be my friend anymore. It was GREAT - he was able to tell me about how awesome his life has been and how much he’s learned, and i was able to share in that joy.
Many elements of life next year are going to be difficult, but i already have a place to live, a family to live with, and a Pita Pit in the city where i’ll be living (i’m only a little obsessed).
i am learning more about myself and taking care of myself. i feel so taken care of by God tonight. and that feels so good. i’m not good at being vulnerable, but i recognize that it is important in this whole “not isolating oneself and living in community with other people because we all live in the world and can make life way more enjoyable if we let each other in” way of life.
i’m cared for and loved. i’m working on letting people in that didn’t know me when i was just getting into Jimmy Eat World, while embracing and clinging to the comfort of those who did. it’s hard. but it’s good. i am cared for and loved.