I can’t concentrate on homework because of feelings

and therefore am blogging instead and then going to bed. 

Real life is happening so fast! And that’s so crazy.

Today I got to spend several hours with one of my best and oldest friends and her amazing and wonderful boyfriend. I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH I SERIOUSLY FEEL LIKE I’M EXPLODING. EXPLOSIONS. Also, I got to have dinner with 2 other good (great!) friends and long-distance girlfriend and THERE IS JUST SO MUCH LOVE IN ALL OF THAT, in old friendships, romantic relationships, in making new friends. It’s so GREAT and beautiful. 

I talked to the people who I will most likely be living with next year last night. I’ll be living with a good friend’s family and talking to them was great and also a little intimidating - I really want them to like me!! I am SO appreciative of them. I was talking to the dad last night and trying to adequately express my appreciation without stumbling over my words too much, and he said “You know, God has blessed us so much and we have so much to give others that we’re happy to have you stay with us. You can tell your parents you’ll be safe here. We’ll look out for you. If our daughters are in similar places in the future, we’d want someone to do the same for them.” I almost lost it. It was so great. I AM SO THANKFUL, GOD WORKS IN AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL WAYS and I’m excited about next year, I really am. 

 I’m so thankful that 11 months ago I had a conversation with a wonderful human that ended with “so we’re going to try to date?” “yes”. 11 months is a lot of months and almost a year! I had no expectations going into it, and in so many ways this has been incredible and wonderful 11 months. I’ve learned a lot about vulnerability, trust (in others and in God), what a different kind of love looks like, and many other things that go along with that. I wouldn’t have believed you if you had told me that all of these things would happen even at this time last year. But they have been great things, hard things in some ways, but great. and definitely super beautiful. 

i love this cover.

(Source: ancient-bruises, via yousillysillygirl)

This is my mom’s favorite movie and when i was younger i hated it but now i love it and i know A LOT of it word for word and so does adam so thats great.

(Source: scamanders, via roominations)

Josh Ritter

Everytime I decide to listen to Josh Ritter I just want to cry. And not even in a sad way, but whatever emotion that I am feeling just gets to be really intense to the point of wanting to cry. He’s amazing and my favorite right now and literally all I want to listen to. 

You know, in case you were wondering. 

all i want to do

is listen to happy nevershoutnever songs and watch cute Parks & Rec episodes specifically with April & Andy 

who am i 

Realization II:

I’m so much more afraid of being vulnerable than i previously thought. Like, I knew it wasn’t my favorite thing on earth but now I realize that that’s because I’m afraid of it. 

I have a huge fear of being hurt that obviously goes hand and hand with the vulnerability thing. Which is an unfortunate problem to have because you can’t live life for real painlessly. That’s not realistic or good. 

I don’t really know where these things came from, and I guess I don’t really think of myself as someone who’s afraid of these things, but it’s funny the way fears can be brought to your attention so quickly. 

Also, this isn’t so much of a realization as an unrelated Ingrid-appreciation note:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/25/nyregion/on-sundays-ingrid-michaelson-enjoys-the-couch.html?_r=2

ALSO SHE DOES MUSIC WITH PS 22 IT MADE ME DIE A LITTLE WHILE TRYING TO STUDY. 

Caught between needing to say something and really not wanting to. 

I’m so obsessed with this song right now. it’s amazing. 

(Source: Spotify)

On Emmett Till

Right, so I have a few other things that I’m thinking about today, but this is going to be the first thing I address:

I’ve known about Emmett Till and details about what happened to him for a long time. I’m not quite sure HOW long, but it’s been awhile, and I don’t remember when I first learned about it. I do remember reading a picture-poetry book about it called A Wreath for Emmett Till my freshman year of high school and being almost moved to tears because it was so beautiful and just so. sad. We’re moving into the Civil Rights phase of my African American history class, (and I feel like I become more affected by learning about this every single time I learn it) and today we watched part of a documentary called “Eye on the Prize”. The first part, to be more precise, which opens with the Emmett Till murder and how that event helped mobilize the black community. 

This film showed footage of Emmett Till’s funeral. I wasn’t really prepared for that. It showed video of people walking past Emmett Till’s open casket (“so the world would see what they did to him,” said is mother) and being absolutely horrified. and then the film showed a shot of his casket, of his picture hanging above it and of Emmett’s face. It was the first time I had ever seen Emmett post-lynching. I cried a little, in the way that I didn’t really feel it coming on but all of the sudden there were tears falling. It was horrific, truly horrific, that that happened only 57 years ago in this country. 

I’m trying to process how to carry around that sight, and those things that happened without hatred or the type of anger that lashes out and that makes me ineffective. I’m trying to figure out a balance of looking at so much of the world’s ugliness (which I have 12 credit hours in a week this semester!) with looking at all of the love and promise that my life holds and at how good God is. and also how much this makes God hurt, too, and to know that He suffered with Emmett’s family, and so much more, because He’s God. And also I want to talk about this, and work it out with people and I want people to think about this, these things too often disappear into a “oh that happened in the past, we need to move on and concentrate on what has been done since” and yes, that is important, too, but please, this happened and was so sad and was not at all an okay thing and cannot be made okay because it cannot be undone. Yes, progress obviously has been made and progress is still being made, but I guess for me it’s more of a tribute, an acknowledgement of that being not okay and an acknowledgement of how wrong it was. 

Obviously there are a lot of things in the world that are suffering and brokenness and sadness, on all different levels, and sometimes I let them affect me way more than I should, but i do believe that these are important things to feel sometimes. 

I can’t concentrate on homework because of feelings

and therefore am blogging instead and then going to bed. 

Real life is happening so fast! And that’s so crazy.

Today I got to spend several hours with one of my best and oldest friends and her amazing and wonderful boyfriend. I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH I SERIOUSLY FEEL LIKE I’M EXPLODING. EXPLOSIONS. Also, I got to have dinner with 2 other good (great!) friends and long-distance girlfriend and THERE IS JUST SO MUCH LOVE IN ALL OF THAT, in old friendships, romantic relationships, in making new friends. It’s so GREAT and beautiful. 

I talked to the people who I will most likely be living with next year last night. I’ll be living with a good friend’s family and talking to them was great and also a little intimidating - I really want them to like me!! I am SO appreciative of them. I was talking to the dad last night and trying to adequately express my appreciation without stumbling over my words too much, and he said “You know, God has blessed us so much and we have so much to give others that we’re happy to have you stay with us. You can tell your parents you’ll be safe here. We’ll look out for you. If our daughters are in similar places in the future, we’d want someone to do the same for them.” I almost lost it. It was so great. I AM SO THANKFUL, GOD WORKS IN AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL WAYS and I’m excited about next year, I really am. 

 I’m so thankful that 11 months ago I had a conversation with a wonderful human that ended with “so we’re going to try to date?” “yes”. 11 months is a lot of months and almost a year! I had no expectations going into it, and in so many ways this has been incredible and wonderful 11 months. I’ve learned a lot about vulnerability, trust (in others and in God), what a different kind of love looks like, and many other things that go along with that. I wouldn’t have believed you if you had told me that all of these things would happen even at this time last year. But they have been great things, hard things in some ways, but great. and definitely super beautiful. 

i love this cover.

(Source: ancient-bruises, via yousillysillygirl)

This is my mom’s favorite movie and when i was younger i hated it but now i love it and i know A LOT of it word for word and so does adam so thats great.

(Source: scamanders, via roominations)

Josh Ritter

Everytime I decide to listen to Josh Ritter I just want to cry. And not even in a sad way, but whatever emotion that I am feeling just gets to be really intense to the point of wanting to cry. He’s amazing and my favorite right now and literally all I want to listen to. 

You know, in case you were wondering. 

all i want to do

is listen to happy nevershoutnever songs and watch cute Parks & Rec episodes specifically with April & Andy 

who am i 

Realization II:

I’m so much more afraid of being vulnerable than i previously thought. Like, I knew it wasn’t my favorite thing on earth but now I realize that that’s because I’m afraid of it. 

I have a huge fear of being hurt that obviously goes hand and hand with the vulnerability thing. Which is an unfortunate problem to have because you can’t live life for real painlessly. That’s not realistic or good. 

I don’t really know where these things came from, and I guess I don’t really think of myself as someone who’s afraid of these things, but it’s funny the way fears can be brought to your attention so quickly. 

Also, this isn’t so much of a realization as an unrelated Ingrid-appreciation note:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/25/nyregion/on-sundays-ingrid-michaelson-enjoys-the-couch.html?_r=2

ALSO SHE DOES MUSIC WITH PS 22 IT MADE ME DIE A LITTLE WHILE TRYING TO STUDY. 

Caught between needing to say something and really not wanting to. 

I’m so obsessed with this song right now. it’s amazing. 

(Source: Spotify)

On Emmett Till

Right, so I have a few other things that I’m thinking about today, but this is going to be the first thing I address:

I’ve known about Emmett Till and details about what happened to him for a long time. I’m not quite sure HOW long, but it’s been awhile, and I don’t remember when I first learned about it. I do remember reading a picture-poetry book about it called A Wreath for Emmett Till my freshman year of high school and being almost moved to tears because it was so beautiful and just so. sad. We’re moving into the Civil Rights phase of my African American history class, (and I feel like I become more affected by learning about this every single time I learn it) and today we watched part of a documentary called “Eye on the Prize”. The first part, to be more precise, which opens with the Emmett Till murder and how that event helped mobilize the black community. 

This film showed footage of Emmett Till’s funeral. I wasn’t really prepared for that. It showed video of people walking past Emmett Till’s open casket (“so the world would see what they did to him,” said is mother) and being absolutely horrified. and then the film showed a shot of his casket, of his picture hanging above it and of Emmett’s face. It was the first time I had ever seen Emmett post-lynching. I cried a little, in the way that I didn’t really feel it coming on but all of the sudden there were tears falling. It was horrific, truly horrific, that that happened only 57 years ago in this country. 

I’m trying to process how to carry around that sight, and those things that happened without hatred or the type of anger that lashes out and that makes me ineffective. I’m trying to figure out a balance of looking at so much of the world’s ugliness (which I have 12 credit hours in a week this semester!) with looking at all of the love and promise that my life holds and at how good God is. and also how much this makes God hurt, too, and to know that He suffered with Emmett’s family, and so much more, because He’s God. And also I want to talk about this, and work it out with people and I want people to think about this, these things too often disappear into a “oh that happened in the past, we need to move on and concentrate on what has been done since” and yes, that is important, too, but please, this happened and was so sad and was not at all an okay thing and cannot be made okay because it cannot be undone. Yes, progress obviously has been made and progress is still being made, but I guess for me it’s more of a tribute, an acknowledgement of that being not okay and an acknowledgement of how wrong it was. 

Obviously there are a lot of things in the world that are suffering and brokenness and sadness, on all different levels, and sometimes I let them affect me way more than I should, but i do believe that these are important things to feel sometimes. 

I can’t concentrate on homework because of feelings
Josh Ritter
all i want to do
Realization II:
On Emmett Till

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