I love you and it’s getting worse.
Joseph Morris (via julie911)

(via quote-book)

all i want to do

is listen to happy nevershoutnever songs and watch cute Parks & Rec episodes specifically with April & Andy 

who am i 

On Emmett Till

Right, so I have a few other things that I’m thinking about today, but this is going to be the first thing I address:

I’ve known about Emmett Till and details about what happened to him for a long time. I’m not quite sure HOW long, but it’s been awhile, and I don’t remember when I first learned about it. I do remember reading a picture-poetry book about it called A Wreath for Emmett Till my freshman year of high school and being almost moved to tears because it was so beautiful and just so. sad. We’re moving into the Civil Rights phase of my African American history class, (and I feel like I become more affected by learning about this every single time I learn it) and today we watched part of a documentary called “Eye on the Prize”. The first part, to be more precise, which opens with the Emmett Till murder and how that event helped mobilize the black community. 

This film showed footage of Emmett Till’s funeral. I wasn’t really prepared for that. It showed video of people walking past Emmett Till’s open casket (“so the world would see what they did to him,” said is mother) and being absolutely horrified. and then the film showed a shot of his casket, of his picture hanging above it and of Emmett’s face. It was the first time I had ever seen Emmett post-lynching. I cried a little, in the way that I didn’t really feel it coming on but all of the sudden there were tears falling. It was horrific, truly horrific, that that happened only 57 years ago in this country. 

I’m trying to process how to carry around that sight, and those things that happened without hatred or the type of anger that lashes out and that makes me ineffective. I’m trying to figure out a balance of looking at so much of the world’s ugliness (which I have 12 credit hours in a week this semester!) with looking at all of the love and promise that my life holds and at how good God is. and also how much this makes God hurt, too, and to know that He suffered with Emmett’s family, and so much more, because He’s God. And also I want to talk about this, and work it out with people and I want people to think about this, these things too often disappear into a “oh that happened in the past, we need to move on and concentrate on what has been done since” and yes, that is important, too, but please, this happened and was so sad and was not at all an okay thing and cannot be made okay because it cannot be undone. Yes, progress obviously has been made and progress is still being made, but I guess for me it’s more of a tribute, an acknowledgement of that being not okay and an acknowledgement of how wrong it was. 

Obviously there are a lot of things in the world that are suffering and brokenness and sadness, on all different levels, and sometimes I let them affect me way more than I should, but i do believe that these are important things to feel sometimes. 

Dear whoever lives with me in the future,

Expect loud music that I listened to when I was 14/anything about independence and girl power with intense dance breaks whenever cleaning happens. 

Also, car dancing/singing is a must. 

You’ve been warned. 

Love,

Hannah

On The Run, In Hiding, And An Attempt To Not Feel

goodwomenproject:

I have a secret.

I hide from my emotions.

In every day life, I’m the happy-go-lucky girl who always has smiles and laughs to spare. In everyday life, I’m co-director of my on-campus ministry and a small group leader who loves to see my girls discover more about Christ and fall more deeply in love with Him. In everyday life, I’m the girl who loves to rock the dress and curly hair combo. But when I get home, I hide from my emotions. I drown them out with music, ignore them with television shows, bury them with homework. And I do all of this because I’m scared. Scared of what will happen if I finally acknowledge their presence.

Yes. This is me. It’s been hard for me to realize that this is me, because I feel a lot still, but its more because a way that I hide and “unfeel” things that I’m feeling is to feel them for other people or for oppressed groups. (but actually). But, in this way, I allow myself to be like “YES I HAVE FEELINGS!!” while completely ignoring how I personally feel about situations, people, boys, myself, etc.  

Remember how

When you went to college you turned into somewhat of an introvert? And how now you are bad about talking about things that upset you? And even though you want to, it can be difficult and you don’t really like it, but then you have all these pent up feelings and you can’t seem to get rid of them, so you do want to talk about them and then you just are left feeling weak because you want to?

Oh, yeah. 

I love you and it’s getting worse.
Joseph Morris (via julie911)

(via quote-book)

all i want to do

is listen to happy nevershoutnever songs and watch cute Parks & Rec episodes specifically with April & Andy 

who am i 

On Emmett Till

Right, so I have a few other things that I’m thinking about today, but this is going to be the first thing I address:

I’ve known about Emmett Till and details about what happened to him for a long time. I’m not quite sure HOW long, but it’s been awhile, and I don’t remember when I first learned about it. I do remember reading a picture-poetry book about it called A Wreath for Emmett Till my freshman year of high school and being almost moved to tears because it was so beautiful and just so. sad. We’re moving into the Civil Rights phase of my African American history class, (and I feel like I become more affected by learning about this every single time I learn it) and today we watched part of a documentary called “Eye on the Prize”. The first part, to be more precise, which opens with the Emmett Till murder and how that event helped mobilize the black community. 

This film showed footage of Emmett Till’s funeral. I wasn’t really prepared for that. It showed video of people walking past Emmett Till’s open casket (“so the world would see what they did to him,” said is mother) and being absolutely horrified. and then the film showed a shot of his casket, of his picture hanging above it and of Emmett’s face. It was the first time I had ever seen Emmett post-lynching. I cried a little, in the way that I didn’t really feel it coming on but all of the sudden there were tears falling. It was horrific, truly horrific, that that happened only 57 years ago in this country. 

I’m trying to process how to carry around that sight, and those things that happened without hatred or the type of anger that lashes out and that makes me ineffective. I’m trying to figure out a balance of looking at so much of the world’s ugliness (which I have 12 credit hours in a week this semester!) with looking at all of the love and promise that my life holds and at how good God is. and also how much this makes God hurt, too, and to know that He suffered with Emmett’s family, and so much more, because He’s God. And also I want to talk about this, and work it out with people and I want people to think about this, these things too often disappear into a “oh that happened in the past, we need to move on and concentrate on what has been done since” and yes, that is important, too, but please, this happened and was so sad and was not at all an okay thing and cannot be made okay because it cannot be undone. Yes, progress obviously has been made and progress is still being made, but I guess for me it’s more of a tribute, an acknowledgement of that being not okay and an acknowledgement of how wrong it was. 

Obviously there are a lot of things in the world that are suffering and brokenness and sadness, on all different levels, and sometimes I let them affect me way more than I should, but i do believe that these are important things to feel sometimes. 

Dear whoever lives with me in the future,

Expect loud music that I listened to when I was 14/anything about independence and girl power with intense dance breaks whenever cleaning happens. 

Also, car dancing/singing is a must. 

You’ve been warned. 

Love,

Hannah

On The Run, In Hiding, And An Attempt To Not Feel

goodwomenproject:

I have a secret.

I hide from my emotions.

In every day life, I’m the happy-go-lucky girl who always has smiles and laughs to spare. In everyday life, I’m co-director of my on-campus ministry and a small group leader who loves to see my girls discover more about Christ and fall more deeply in love with Him. In everyday life, I’m the girl who loves to rock the dress and curly hair combo. But when I get home, I hide from my emotions. I drown them out with music, ignore them with television shows, bury them with homework. And I do all of this because I’m scared. Scared of what will happen if I finally acknowledge their presence.

Yes. This is me. It’s been hard for me to realize that this is me, because I feel a lot still, but its more because a way that I hide and “unfeel” things that I’m feeling is to feel them for other people or for oppressed groups. (but actually). But, in this way, I allow myself to be like “YES I HAVE FEELINGS!!” while completely ignoring how I personally feel about situations, people, boys, myself, etc.  

Remember how

When you went to college you turned into somewhat of an introvert? And how now you are bad about talking about things that upset you? And even though you want to, it can be difficult and you don’t really like it, but then you have all these pent up feelings and you can’t seem to get rid of them, so you do want to talk about them and then you just are left feeling weak because you want to?

Oh, yeah. 

"I love you and it’s getting worse."
all i want to do
On Emmett Till
Dear whoever lives with me in the future,
Remember how

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